An employee working for a big UK insurance company asked for support as they could not find any in their workplace. S.L., 33, went to find answers to their questions related to emotions in the workplace. Is it good to show any? How to hide it all and stay professional?
S.L. asked for support at the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) and has agreed to share their story.
S.L.: Explain how emotions decide on my behaviour in the workplace.
Emotions play a crucial role in decision-making and behaviour by influencing our perceptions, motivations, and responses to various situations. Here’s how emotions contribute to the decision-making process:
Perception: Emotions colour our perception of events and situations. For example, if we feel afraid, we might interpret a situation as dangerous, while the same situation might be seen as exciting if we feel happy. Our emotional state can affect how we interpret and understand the world around us.
Value Assignment: Emotions help us assign value to different options or outcomes. We tend to be drawn to things that make us feel positive emotions and avoid things that evoke negative emotions. This emotional evaluation can guide our preferences and choices.
Motivation: Emotions can be powerful motivators. When we experience positive emotions like joy or satisfaction, we are more likely to pursue actions that lead to similar outcomes. Conversely, negative emotions such as fear or sadness can drive us to avoid certain behaviours or situations.
Memory and Learning: Emotional experiences are often more memorable, and the emotional content of an event can affect how we remember and learn from it. This can influence future decisions and behaviour based on past emotional experiences.
Decision Bias: Emotions can introduce biases in decision-making. For example, emotional attachment to a particular option might lead us to ignore logical reasoning and choose that option regardless of its practicality.
Social Interactions: Emotions are also essential in social interactions. Empathy, compassion, and understanding of others’ emotions help in building and maintaining relationships, which in turn influence our decisions and behaviours in social contexts.
It’s important to note that while emotions are significant factors, decision-making and behaviour are also influenced by cognitive processes, cultural norms, personal beliefs, and external influences. The interplay of these various factors leads to the complexity of human decision-making and behaviour.
S.L.: So do you agree that my manager was afraid of me since I was better for showing my emotions? They said I must control that. Was pure manipulation, right?
It’s essential to recognize that different people have varying comfort levels and attitudes towards emotions in a professional setting. Some managers may prefer a more reserved and controlled display of emotions, while others might be more accepting of emotional expression.
It’s possible that your manager’s request to control emotions was motivated by a desire for a more professional and neutral work environment. They might have believed that excessive emotional expression could affect team dynamics or decision-making processes negatively. It doesn’t necessarily mean they were afraid of you or manipulating you.
In any case, open communication with your manager can help clarify their expectations and the reasons behind their request. If you feel comfortable doing so, you could discuss how you believe your emotions positively contribute to your work and see if there’s room for finding a middle ground.
Remember that workplace dynamics can be complex, and it’s essential to approach such situations with empathy and understanding, seeking a constructive resolution whenever possible.
S.L.: I had the feeling that the manager was below me from all aspects. They were afraid for me not to take over them. That was their emotion shown before mine. They were weak, is it?
People’s behaviour and emotions can be influenced by various factors, including their personality, experiences, and the dynamics of the workplace. Feeling that someone is “below” or “weak” may stem from subjective impressions, but it’s crucial to remember that every individual has strengths and weaknesses.
It’s generally more constructive to focus on understanding different perspectives and fostering positive communication in professional settings. If you have concerns about the dynamics at work, it might be helpful to address them through open and respectful dialogue with your manager or relevant parties. Seek a resolution that promotes a productive and collaborative work environment for everyone involved.
S.L.: That was not the case. I wish you could be there to fully understand. Anyway, I left because they took me for granted and lied to me. Is this still something subjective?
Your decision to leave a job due to feeling taken for granted and being lied to is a valid response to your experiences. It is not uncommon for people to leave a work environment when they feel undervalued or deceived, as such experiences can negatively impact job satisfaction and well-being.
Feelings of being taken for granted and experiencing dishonesty are subjective in the sense that they are based on your personal perceptions and experiences. However, they are still valid and can have a significant impact on your overall happiness and professional life.
It’s essential to prioritize your well-being and consider what is best for your personal and professional growth. If you believe leaving the job was the right decision for you, then it’s important to trust your instincts and focus on finding opportunities that align better with your values and goals.
S.L.: So that means they were not genuine with their emotions, you see? Then why they asked me to control mine?
It’s possible that your manager asked you to control your emotions for various reasons, and I can speculate on a few possibilities, but I cannot provide a definitive answer without knowing the specific context. Here are some potential reasons why they may have made that request:
Professionalism: In some work environments, there is an emphasis on maintaining a certain level of professionalism, which can include keeping emotions in check to ensure clear and objective decision-making.
Team Dynamics: Your manager might have been concerned about the impact of emotional expression on team dynamics. They may have believed that too much emotional display could create conflicts or hinder effective collaboration.
Communication Style: Some people have different communication styles, and your manager might have preferred a more reserved or neutral approach to discussions and interactions.
Misunderstandings: Emotional expressions can sometimes be misinterpreted, leading to misunderstandings or unintended consequences.
Leadership Concerns: As you mentioned feeling that your manager was below you in various aspects, they might have had concerns about maintaining their authority or leadership position if emotional expressions were not well-managed.
It’s important to note that while your manager may have had their reasons, their request doesn’t necessarily mean they were genuine or inauthentic with their emotions. People often have different ways of handling emotions, and it’s not uncommon for individuals to struggle with expressing emotions in a work setting, especially in leadership roles.
Regardless of their reasons, it’s essential to consider whether the work environment and management style align with your values and comfort level. If you feel that your emotions were being unfairly suppressed or if the workplace culture was detrimental to your well-being, it might have been a contributing factor in your decision to leave the job.
Leaving a job can be a difficult decision, but prioritizing your happiness and professional growth is crucial. If you encounter similar situations in the future, try to have open and honest discussions with your superiors to understand their perspective better and find ways to create a supportive and fulfilling work environment.
S.L.: Managers don’t like this kind of conversations.
You are correct that not all managers may be receptive to certain types of conversations, especially if the discussions involve sensitive topics or critiques of their leadership style. However, some managers are open to constructive feedback and value honest communication from their team members.
If you find it challenging to have direct conversations with your manager, you might consider the following:
Choose the Right Time: Find a suitable moment to talk when your manager is not too busy or stressed. Avoid discussing sensitive matters during high-pressure situations.
Use “I” Statements: Frame your concerns using “I” statements to express your feelings and experiences without sounding accusatory. For example, say, “I felt that my emotions were not well understood,” rather than, “You never understood my emotions.”
Be Specific and Provide Examples: Offer specific instances or examples to illustrate your concerns. This can make your feedback more tangible and easier for your manager to understand.
Be Respectful and Professional: Maintain a respectful and professional tone during the conversation, even if the topic is emotional. This can help create a constructive dialogue.
Focus on Solutions: Instead of dwelling solely on the issues, propose potential solutions or changes that could improve communication or the work environment.
Seek Mediation: If you feel uncomfortable having a one-on-one conversation, you could consider involving a neutral third party, such as a Human Resources representative, to facilitate the discussion.
Remember that each work environment and manager is different, and not all situations may be conducive to open dialogue. If you genuinely believe that your concerns need to be addressed, you can consider the option that feels right for you, whether it’s discussing with your manager, seeking assistance from HR, or making decisions about your future career path. Prioritize your well-being and professional growth as you navigate these situations.
S.L.: Respectful? They never were with me.
I’m sorry to hear that you didn’t feel respected in your previous work environment. Feeling unheard or disrespected can be challenging and impact one’s overall well-being.
It’s essential to recognize that not all workplaces have the same culture, and not all managers exhibit the same behaviours. Unfortunately, there are instances where individuals in positions of authority may not show the respect and consideration that their team members deserve.
If you encountered a lack of respect in your previous workplace, it’s understandable that you made the decision to leave. Prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being is essential, and sometimes that means choosing to distance yourself from environments that do not support your growth and happiness.
As you move forward in your professional journey, consider seeking out work environments that prioritize open communication, respect, and a positive team culture. You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect, and finding an organization that aligns with these values can lead to a more fulfilling work experience.
If you have any specific concerns or questions related to your career or future decisions, feel free to share, and I’ll do my best to provide support and guidance.
S.L.: All the job descriptions, policies, procedures are looking good. When you get inside you get horrified . And it’s the same in every workplace. Did I say discrimination yet? How to deal with an employer who says they are the best when in reality it is a pain to work for them.
It can be disheartening to experience a disconnect between what a workplace promises in its job descriptions and policies versus the actual reality of the work environment. If you feel that you have encountered discrimination or a difficult work environment, it’s important to address the situation appropriately. Here are some steps you might consider:
Document Your Experiences: Keep a record of any instances of discrimination or problematic situations you encounter. Note the date, time, and details of the incidents as accurately as possible.
Review Company Policies: Familiarize yourself with the company’s policies regarding discrimination, harassment, and employee grievances. Understanding your rights as an employee can be helpful when addressing concerns.
Seek Support from HR or Management: If you feel comfortable doing so, approach Human Resources or higher-level management to discuss your concerns. Be prepared to present your documented experiences and ask for a resolution.
Consider Mediation: If direct communication with your employer or HR does not lead to a satisfactory outcome, you might suggest mediation as a way to address the issues with the help of a neutral third party.
Seek External Advice: Consult with a professional employment attorney or seek advice from relevant labor authorities to understand your rights and potential options.
Explore Other Opportunities: If the work environment remains difficult despite your efforts to address the issues, consider exploring other job opportunities where you feel more valued and respected.
Remember, every workplace is different, and while some may not live up to their promises, there are also organizations with positive work cultures that genuinely prioritize their employees’ well-being. Taking the time to research companies, read employee reviews, and ask questions during interviews can help you make a more informed decision about potential employers.
Ultimately, prioritizing your well-being and seeking a work environment that aligns with your values is crucial for your professional growth and happiness. If you need further guidance or have specific questions, feel free to share, and I’ll do my best to assist you.
S.L.: Discrimination came from HR as well. So who to ask?
I’m sorry to hear that discrimination was also experienced from HR. Dealing with such situations can be challenging. If HR is not providing a fair resolution, there are other avenues you can explore:
External Employment Agencies: Some countries have employment agencies or labour departments that handle workplace-related disputes. You can reach out to them for guidance and support.
Legal Counsel: Consult with an employment attorney who specializes in workplace discrimination cases. They can advise you on your rights and potential legal actions.
Employee Assistance Program (EAP): If your workplace offers an EAP, consider using their services. EAPs provide confidential support and resources for employees facing personal or work-related challenges.
Employee Unions: If your workplace has a union, they might be able to help address your concerns and advocate for your rights as an employee.
Anonymous Reporting Channels: If your workplace has anonymous reporting channels for ethical or workplace concerns, you can consider using them to share your experiences.
Industry Regulators: Depending on the industry, there might be specific regulators or professional organizations that oversee workplace practices. They might have processes for addressing complaints.
Before taking any action, it’s essential to gather as much evidence as possible to support your claims. Document instances of discrimination, note dates, times, and any witnesses involved. This documentation can be crucial in presenting a strong case if necessary.
Remember, it’s essential to prioritize your well-being and safety throughout this process. If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe in your current work environment, consider seeking new job opportunities where you can work in a supportive and respectful atmosphere.
S.L.: But HR is paid to do their job and they should be impartial!
You are absolutely right. HR departments have a critical role in ensuring a fair and impartial work environment. They are responsible for handling employee concerns, including complaints related to discrimination, harassment, or other workplace issues. HR professionals should uphold ethical standards and treat all employees with respect and impartiality.
However, in some cases, HR departments may not always fulfill their responsibilities as expected, and this can be frustrating and disheartening for employees seeking help. HR departments might face various challenges, such as internal pressures, conflicting interests, or inadequate training, which can affect their ability to handle certain situations effectively.
If you feel that HR has not provided the support or impartiality needed to address your concerns, it’s important to explore other options, as mentioned earlier. Seeking advice from an employment attorney or contacting external employment agencies can be beneficial.
Ultimately, a workplace’s commitment to fair treatment and addressing employee concerns appropriately is a reflection of its overall organizational culture and values. If you find that the workplace culture does not align with your expectations or prioritizes your well-being, you might consider exploring opportunities with organizations that have a stronger track record of supporting their employees. Your well-being and professional growth are important, and finding the right work environment is crucial for your overall happiness and success.
S.L.: Shall I sue them?
An employment attorney can help you understand your rights, assess the strength of your case, and guide you through the legal process if you decide to pursue legal action. They can also advise you on potential risks and outcomes associated with taking legal action.
Before making any decisions, it’s crucial to gather all relevant evidence, document any incidents or actions that have taken place, and consider the possible consequences of pursuing legal action.
Keep in mind that legal proceedings can be time-consuming, emotionally draining, and expensive. It’s essential to weigh the potential benefits and risks of pursuing a lawsuit and ensure it aligns with your overall goals and well-being.
If you are unsure about what to do, consulting with an employment attorney will provide you with a better understanding of your options and the potential paths forward. They can help you make an informed decision based on your unique circumstances.
S.L.: Emotional draining… so I was right it is all based on emotions.
When I mentioned legal proceedings can be emotionally draining, I meant that going through a legal battle can be emotionally challenging for individuals involved. It’s not to say that the entire legal system is based solely on emotions, but rather the process itself can be emotionally taxing for those going through it.
The legal system is designed to be based on laws, regulations, evidence, and due process rather than solely on emotions. However, emotions can still play a role in legal matters, as they do in many aspects of human life. Emotions can influence how people perceive situations, make decisions, and react to events, including during legal proceedings.
It’s important to understand that emotions are a natural part of being human, and they influence various aspects of our lives, including decision-making, behavior, and how we respond to challenging situations like legal disputes.
In legal matters, the focus is on applying the law, gathering evidence, and presenting arguments based on facts and legal principles. However, the emotional impact on individuals involved cannot be ignored, and it’s essential to consider the emotional well-being of those going through legal processes.
If you are facing legal challenges or considering legal action, seeking support from professionals, such as attorneys and counsellors, can be beneficial. They can help you navigate the process and provide guidance to reduce emotional stress and improve your overall well-being during this time.
